the mechanics of friendship

i figure that more than 10 different people are readers of my blog. that makes me popular! yay! irony of it all is that i don't really want everyone to find my blog. i was just on someone's blog (you can guess who you are!) and again i realised that the feeling you get when you're mentioned on a blog is really a nice one. one day when i feel brave enough i'll have a go at that too i guess. but it got me in a blogging mood anyway.

i think that when two strangers meet, and each has reason to think they might meet again, the idea of a possible friendship pops up in their heads. at this point, each sets up an imaginary meter measuring how much is given and taken in the relationship. based on past experiences/personality/first impression, the allowance either way varies with each individual.

we do this, i believe, because we have no better way of finding out whether someone can potentially be a good friend. so we decide to be willing to risk/give a varying amount. if this giving is not reciprocated, and goes past a threshold, the 'good friendship' likely will not form. not to say its dead for good, but something special would have to happen for it to revive. if the give/take balance is maintained, the allowance either way then increases gradually, and one is more willing to give without return to a larger extent, with experience suggesting that it will eventually be paid back.

'true friendship' then only occurs when this meter is forgotten/thrown away/not used. but this obviously takes time for meter to expand and grow enough to the point that one decides it's no longer useful or needed. and it is at this stage, i guess, that one becomes a close friend/bff/bro and what not. of course definition of these terms vary, i'm going by mine.

so to something related, about giving and receiving. have shared this with a couple of people. i liken a giver/act of giving to be a source of water, while the receiver/receiving is the container eventually holding. many variables here, like the speed at which water is poured, size of container, shape of container. basically not all water poured will end up in the container. which really is like how our best intentions are not sometimes interpreted the way we would like it to. this is where i think putting yourself in others' shoes comes in, since it's something we often say but rarely do. and while giving takes a whole lot of effort and heart, it really is an art to know how to receive too.