great expectations

i swear i'd written something about expectations here in the past, but a detailed and lengthy 5 minute search yielded nothing. so ah well.

for the longest time i've had a bit of a struggle with the idea of expectations, basically whether they're a good thing or not. the arguments for both sides are pretty common ones. expectations give you something to work towards, a tangible goal to strive for. but not meeting them always adds that extra bit of disappointment, even if it seems like we have given our best.

so let's see if this works. i think it makes a lot more sense to divide expectations into 2 categories and deal with them separately.

first there's the random events, positive and negative, in life. this includes striking the lottery (if you've done this let me know pls, i'll be your best friend :D), finding out your favourite team just won a game, an earthquake taking place etc. what defines this group, i think, is that we generally agree we have little control over what happens and, more importantly, that there is no continuity and no predictive pattern, at least on a personal level. we hope, but rarely dare to expect, such things to happen or not. and if we come to expect them time and again, i think that's when we start to blame our luck/life/our dog/ and basically start getting negative about life. hoping, on the other hand, opens us up to happy surprises and small things that make our day.

then there're what i call 'people things'. because this group mainly involves dealing with things on a personal level, things we interact with and have some sort of a bearing on, just like, well, people. this possible includes things like how we perform in exams and the like. in this case, having no expectations intuitively still does has short term gains like being surprised. but in the long term, this means attributing everything good that happens to a collection of things that we don't really have control over, rather than on the people (us/others) who made it possible. take for example a friend who has been on time for meetings 10 times in a row. we don't just hope, but expect that he will do the same the next time. this expectation also means we trust that this will be done, and at the same time builds up an image of responsibility and punctuality in our minds. it is only through this process that we have progress in relationships in the long run, when we come to expect things of others and ourselves because we know the person in question is capable of doing so. this knowledge is a sign of an investment in the relationship and evidence of efforts to get to know yourself/others better.

i'm not really making sense to myself actually haha, if i can properly translate my thoughts into words i'll have a go at this again.